i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
