I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
