Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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