I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
