I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
