"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Your penis caused this!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
