I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.