I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dating After Heartbreak
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.