Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
