I look better un-naked...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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