Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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