fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
