Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
