There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
