peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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