i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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