wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
