Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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