my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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