I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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