I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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