I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
