Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
