Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
