Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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