well I can't set my house on fire every night
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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