i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize