Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
