I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
