Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
