I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I supernannyed him into submission
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
