she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
