I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
