I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
