I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
