using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We got so high we made milksteak
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.