Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.