Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
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In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor