I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Redeem this text for a blowjob
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.