Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.