i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
