The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
