cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?