duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.