I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
