I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
