I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
