Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
