but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
