she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think people are normalizing furries
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
