people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Randomize
