dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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