Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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