Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Two words: blizzard sex
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
