I think my vagina is haunted
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
