You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
