Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
