If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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