the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
