Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
