she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
