I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
