I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
