Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
