Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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