If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
