tell your sister to shave her snatch
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
