I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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