Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
