Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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