Got a toothbrush?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
