i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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