Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I look better un-naked...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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